breathe

I know. You don't have to say it. I have to fix. To piece the scattered shards of the everyday. The movie said, some doors are not for us to close. Doors. Where did the keys go? Do they find their way back? Or are they left in that empty jar awaiting someone's return or claim? Wouldn't it be sad that in time to come the only story to be told from that set of keys are its chains? I thought I could just walk away. Run away. Anything. To get out of that moment and every other moment. But here's the sad truth. Existence is catching up. And I am lacking the energy to go anywhere. To move anywhere. To run anywhere. To walk anywhere. Let alone fight for anything with or without any cause. I don't even have the strength to reach out, call out, cry out, ask, want, need, demand, claim, and explain. I can't find the way anymore. How did the script made pain so real and deep. How the act made everything collapse on the inside. How did names even strike an arduous match? I can't breathe. I can't. I can't breathe though I am taking breaths.

___________________________________________________

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend out days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out alone, hope for the best
And we hang our heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or where ever I find my place
I'll track you on the radio, and
I'll find your list in a different name
But as close as I get to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out alone, hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
As say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, you're still there

So, steal the show, and do your best
To cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find
Whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind,
But you only showed me the door.

The Reason Why - Rachael Yamagata

___________________________________________________