The lines are blur again. It's hard to decipher the truth with a mix of blood and gold. Remember how you felt when you had a paper cut? Doesn't hurt when you don't see it, hurts when you do.

Know it doesn't make sense for such a drastic change in view of past records, but for now I just want to settle into something for at least the next year make it three even.

The truth is it does not matter what anymore just where and how.

Because it will all boils down to the same conclusion which I am fully aware. Almost anything can be learnt just whether if your in the right place, time and opportunity.

Let's see shall we, time will tell and that's all I have to gamble with.

Ultimately you are the master of your decisions but at the mercy of the unknown.

Like a vacation. At ease.

Don't be important for a change.
After playing with physics to test out work life balance there is no balance. Only either extremes and rewards or regrets.

You thought that you would die. That the pain would eat you up, your heart would cease beating and your lungs would cave in. You would never fully understand why you made those decisions but the ripple effect of its consequence has been written on that dashboard. Still on the outside looking into an ongoing experiment, tempted to fiddle with the instruments yet holding back to write the results.

These rides while listening to old records made me reflective, what a fool. Right back where we started. All that in search of this very same quietness. What a chase, was it a waste?

Where to next...

Full moon sways.

Did you return here and wonder about all the could haves and near misses? Or try to decipher what I am trying to share exclusively to you that only you may understand. Stumbling upon recent materials I guess my theories have rolled itself out on your pages. The only constant in life is change. It is evident that the happiness was short lived and my heart goes out to the innocent one even before and now. Mistakes should never be the excuse of creation.

If it was the finale. All I could think of was one non human being.

Have you reached a point where you absolutely, do not hate someone but your mouth and mind is unable to articulate anything. No don't even go there. How about the act of just sliding your finger across the screen to pick up. You cannot even will yourself to do that without having tears welling up.

The loss accumulated could not even make up that mere strength anymore.

Too raw.

Even now.

Mixed and thrown. Aren't we all replaceable. Again, you find yourself hostage in this matrix. But enough you thought, be the delinquent, because you already know the pathetic role of the victim.

Your perfection smothered yourself and despite proving your worth repeatedly, what was left of you? Where are you now?

You are not meant to be trapped in a box, take a hiatus, find yourself again and remember never to be someone else's option or convenience.

I am not permanent.