Seeing doesn't help. Wanting is pointless.What you withhold keeps an interest high. Treat them bad to treat yourself right. Again another inverse relation.

So laying in a paid bed is no different; Just restricted by time. The four walls denies the hands of time to be evident. There is no light and you could be devoured into this non-existent vacuum. If limbo has to feel. It feels like this. What were you playing for? What were you paying for? One month from now makes no difference does it?

Hemorrhage in memory is salvation. As you forget you are remembered; Another wishful thinking for things to balance themselves out this way.

You felt the fabrics as you ran your fingers through tangible memories. This too feels familiar. One year ago on this same day and time, did you ever foresee your life to turn out this way. Overlapping time. Overlapping death all over again. You can feel the end as backward looking has never been this repeatedly cruel.

You still see shadows in your everyday's and the little detailed reminders in strangers you pass. Held back by an invincible thread. Even now. Even so.

You fought but chose a wrong that will live and be paid for the rest of eternity.

Downward spiral.

Past consecutive head-on collision.
How much of what you thought and felt doesn't stand the test of time when you encounter them again.
Strange isn't it. 
How does forever last in this ever changing world which is highly dependent on change to be a constant and relevance?
Those unchosen. 
To where we are in life. 
Such a significant gap and relief.
Some things are meant.
Not to happen.

Cold surgical room. Mavis. Some paths are crossed once. Till the next threads align. 

Strangers in a room exchanging topics of the everyday. I was to feel no pain; on the contrary part of me was removed and deceased. 

Through the minor gap I gazed in her direction letting the tears stream. She read my pulse and knew I was out of breath. Nothing but the smell of blood and scrapping flesh. Going under the knife was saying goodbye. 

My body was an experiment. 

I hope to see you again to tell you how much that meant.