Opening and closing that metal door I can still smell the rust 

Bending down looking in to make sure it wasn’t missed 

Sometimes reaching in just to feel that void 

Finally when you arrive I hold on to you excitedly yet cautious knowing that once I lay my eyes on you that whole magic and ritual would end 

What I became so obsessed with and even a little proud of would just... be. 

So I delay that process, I pretend you did not arrive

Until I am ready

Ready to be made vulnerable 

Pouring my heart out hoping it still speaks to you and you would respond again 

Just a piece of paper you think 

It was more than that 

They will never experience the real meaning of the wait. 

If you had pointed and said “that would be important”. 

If you had lifted it up and said “let’s get it”. 

Would it had been enough? 

What difference would it make?

Darting eyes, a quiet fear broadly spoken, a change in colour was all it took 

Another spin on the unimportant, an awakening to take a deep dive on how sick we truly are 

Now what you see is something from the movies

But it is here and now to stay 

The beautiful thing about today’s technology you get to see real time statistics. I see you. Numbers and graphics giving me a breakdown of everything. The locations of where individuals reside, whether they were accidental or intentional and if they had stayed long enough to understand or relate.

Is what I am seeing real or am I just interpreting what I want to think is real.

They say I am unwell, point and shoot procedures. But I feel fine. Numbers game did you rig it to let me get out of there. Is the mind not catching up with how the body feels again? A lapse or something missing again.

How do you decipher something your body feels but You do not.

Which is real? And whose to say the other is not?

Holo

You can’t sleep.
Because something is calling out to you.
A subtle nudge.
A curious pull.
You turn the pages back and forth.
Looking, reading, searching, wondering...
What did you missed?
Is this what they call it
Grieving an unknown death
Or checking The Coffin to find the body

Did you return here to examine the void
To find a hint and leave some ink
Make it known that you left your shoes by the door
Turning the knob you enter feeling the cold quiet heaviness sinking in
Like an old embrace and a solemn kiss
Maybe comfort is sought in darkness
When darkness was exposed to the world
You know it too well
It’s all coming back.