intermission

A soundless shift in time occured within these weeks. I find myself not at ease somehow. Uncomfortable perhaps at how surreal things are. Settled. Rarely I am at the state of mind. So to finally be at that state... makes me feel out of place.

Someone said this, "It is your time to enjoy the good stuffs, after going through all those shit." Maybe eh?

This cynical world has really warped up my sense of judgement and skepticism. Unknowingly/Knowingly you psyche your mind constantly everyday (every point in time/moment/second) to built up protective self-barriers (both big or small) so as to not crumble or be disappointed (be it a little/ a lot) or be labelled/seen as weak/childish/immature/sensitive/emo. Therefore the aftermath of this constant psyche/battle of the mind is negativity/disbelief/doubts/insecurity/pessimistic/overthinking. These are flaws that will hunt you everytime something good happens. It becomes your downfall in other areas of your life/character. Unknowingly... knowingly.

I'm living a pretty hectic schedule recently barely have the time to catch up with people. My apologies. But all is well with me, except the fact that I've barely got sufficient rest and alone-time. =( . If I could have 12 hours of undisturbed sleep... I'll be jumping off the roof! Ok ok... wishful thinking. Time seems to be running out on me these days. Do you feel that sometimes?

I wrote this to get me going (self-pep-talk), hope it motivates; "Forgive and forget all your yesterdays in order to live a better day, today. Live the present, a moment at a time. Seek to do the important things first, worry less to do more. Remember to breathe while your at it."

I'm still very much happy my dear significant. Simplicity at it's simplest. There is no math to it. Just open answers.


There is no rush, as we have all the time in the world to show them ours. One step at a time.

Just like that.

Alright?

brilliant

You slipped into my world unexpectedly... so...tender and endearing. Your innocence shatter my darkness. I am starting to believe in the goodness of the everyday, I am smiling myself silly within simple instances, moments and intervals. I am becoming more human..

Is this it?

Beauty in simplicity. You are.

How long have I lived this morbid character. Troubled you say? What did you saw that made you want to stay? Nobody ever did. I've dealt with more departures then arrivals, more funerals then weddings. More often people walked out on me, no one ever did walked in to stay long enough... to understand... to listen... to read between the lines. Those twisted games they played with my mind, building me up to tear me down.

Dates... are never the same.
Days... are never the same.

Fate bringer... lucky charm...

Mine.

nostalgia

If I could channel all the thoughts in my head into the words on this page, what a scene it would make. Lately I've experienced the ripple effect of situations and the veiled interfaces of my reality. How yielding it is to riff through the fragility of things. Perverse is the mind that seeks affliction, perverse are the eyes that run these words like news to be devoured, perverse is the bias antecedent of time.

My memory is failing me, it is selective in nature and it dims out the truth of things. My archives are bleak, and maybe just maybe I... unconciously... sadistically... took pleasure and comfort in them through the years. Now the wheels have turned. I need to face my demons. I fear this impending tendency for me to destroy every good thing that happens.