over thinking.

At some point in time you really wish you could be shot. Or rather the act of it sounds good enough. The whole sick cycle of what everyone is chasing after seems pretty clear to me, that no one will ever get what they want in the end. So I comfort myself with the thought that having nothing is good enough. But what is enough? What is ever enough? Maybe it is the same logic, that the act of saying “it is enough” sounds good enough.

Today I saw this child standing at the escalator which was going in the opposite direction, knowing that it is wrong she still stood there. And even when her mother reprimanded her over her actions she still stood there. Does she not speak for all of us? That it is in our nature to do the exact opposite of logic? We challenge the simple things in life, doing the exact opposite, doing what the mainstream think is taboo, doing what we already know is bad. I guess all of us inherited the same tendency from Eve who defied God in the Garden of Eden over the forbidden fruit. In the present day, we burn ourselves to know that it is hot. We drink till we get drunk and make an awful mess of ourselves knowing that our body cannot take it. We sleep with the person we love knowing that when the morning comes he/she would never stay, would never have a future with you, and would never be with you. We smoke knowing that it kills our insides. We get stuck in time and memory waiting for someone that will never know we still exist, that will never know we are still here waiting, that will never know we have not forgotten, that will never know we would do anything for just another season, that will never know we still want them back.

Childlike acts in an adult.
Aren’t we?
We never grow up.
We just grow old.

"And yes. For the record I have done it again.
If only I could tell you what I have been reading and that the only song playing on repeat is causing me to cry. But you would never know and you wouldn't even give a damn about it."

pas du tout.