pretenders

The scary thing is the fact that I feel just as sure and certain as I was last year. Once again I am making the same decision I made which sadly I didn't manage to follow through... which I should had... so that I wouldn't need to be here once again. I am pretty sure what I have decided wouldn't affect or change anything. I could just easily be replaced or just be left - voided. It didn't matter to anyone in the first place or for the matter of fact - the previous time.

Back then I didn't realize that I was already at my highest peak and happiest moment doing my own thing. I was already satisfied with the little I had, with the little technical skills I had... Just me and my vulnerable-cheap-low-quality head set and mike... pen and paper... guitar. I was happy being a nobody. I was happy composing songs as a nobody. I was happy performing as an individual. I had my glory. I had everything. I had all that I need.

But I went chasing after something that I thought I belonged.
I thought I was part of it.
I thought the people were real.
But the truth is...
Maybe I belonged as an individual.
Maybe it has just always been on my part to think that I am a part.
Maybe the people were all just hypocrites.

Have I forgotten why I started out in the first place...

I must remember what I said to myself back in 2003.

Joyner,

Please remember...