persona swings.

So we will grow older. And after all the disputes and little arguments, we learn. To learn what really matters to us, to understand what we really want, to start over and meet our new selves that have readily changed with the new season that somehow catches you unaware. To let go. Nothing remains, especially what we believed, so do not be dishearten. But the few that remains faithfully through every season is a significant. I forgive readily, but I will never forget damages. Not that I didn't let go, but damages are the scars that moulds my path that moulds who I am now. Time has neither been fast nor slow, it has just been constant but we live as though we are dying, and we die as though we had never lived. I'm 19 already. Impulsive me wants to make all the mistakes I can make as a (last) teen. Rational me just wants to do the right thing. I am torn between the two extremes of my persona. Random & Impulsive VS Rational & Calm. So I swing. A new friend along with a couple of old friends stepped into my life...it is a cycle people stepping in and out to make things a little more interesting here and there. I like that phrase Denise said to me the other day, "We are only used when we allow it." A lot of truth in that. I allow things to happen. Sometimes out of curiosity. Sometimes just to see what happens next. Sometimes I just want to get into a little advanture and spontaneous mode. Sometimes I want to ride a high. Or sometimes I just want to get hurt. I am still pretty much a kid despite my writings. That is why I am not all good as a person. I do get possessive and jealous but I will somehow put myself in check and take a walk because some times I do too, fear that I am not good enough. Hafizhah won an award today with this phrase to end my day: " but i like joyner the way she is be it, good or bad. =) "