I have absolutely forgotten about my poems I have published on poetry.com, till I received a mail from that site. Looking back... reading back...brings back memories of adolescences. I seem to dig the pessimistic side of things, look beyond sadness for even more sadness… Shakespeare was gay, I’m just grey. As years go by you realize that the definition of things you have given has been constantly changing. What I perceive and wrote about love, life, people and self-invented theories have all become a past. And presently, I have not been writing much. Presently, I am a mess. I don’t have a solid plan to the next step in life, I am petrified, that I do not have any form of precautionary measures if something like this were to come up (again or not). We all know the classic of; “In case of fire, break glass”, but how about “In case of unemployment, break self?” I need something to happen. But the funny thing is I don't know exactly what. I can't shake off this haunting feeling I get. On a side note, I miss Jo. I don't say it but I do. Knowing at night there will be another soul awake, blasting away monsters, raiding the fridge, etc… I guess it is the knowing that makes me feel secure… safe… less alone? He is an alter ego of me (that I silently want to be), he is my pride… knowing that if I don’t make it anywhere in life in this household, he has done it all.
I don’t like me now.
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