In this darkness
My feet would not go back
Was this the night I prayed for
This just cannot be
There are no chains around me
But if I want to go on like this
I will have to pay the price one day
When you cannot even believe in yourself
Who should you believe in
The answer is so close
That I cannot see it
Shedding black tears
There is nothing in me but sadness
And I cannot even say it
My whole body aches
And I cannot make it go away on my own.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Chapter 26 : terminal
I like my days in transit as I do not feel that I am here. Moving along with the people around me, becoming a direction. Destination, anywhere. I thought of the distances between countries, how similar it is to humans. It is essential so as to make every journey more meaningful and valuable. Every meeting a memory.
So it shattered.
Once again people will fail you. They say you forced it. They say let it be naturally. They say you are expecting too much. They say they have tried but you do not see.
They said.
I say. So it shall be done. I say I will walk away without force without expectation without seeing without forcing.
I said.
"No matter how long we exist, we have our memories - points in time which time itself cannot erase. Suffering may distort my backward glances, but even to suffering, some memories will yield nothing of their beauty or their splendor. Rather they remain as hard as gems."
So it shattered.
Once again people will fail you. They say you forced it. They say let it be naturally. They say you are expecting too much. They say they have tried but you do not see.
They said.
I say. So it shall be done. I say I will walk away without force without expectation without seeing without forcing.
I said.
"No matter how long we exist, we have our memories - points in time which time itself cannot erase. Suffering may distort my backward glances, but even to suffering, some memories will yield nothing of their beauty or their splendor. Rather they remain as hard as gems."
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Chapter 25 : consonance
"Whose pair of hands shall join me in the creation of my written masterpiece."
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
chapter 24 : Live
I have not lived yet. How young and bold I ought to be, to sail through waves and storms, to fight the battles of everyday life! Bless the Lord for the gift of talents, so that we could put to test all that we are given. It's amazing to see all the weights stripped away and how the soul can take its flight in this realm. To love what you do not have and disclose what you already possess.
Recently I had been called home by His very voice, so vividly I heard it. O how my soul cannot fathom the day of the rapture, and only the worthy would be taken. Many would grieve and wonder why the tribulation of seven years. It is the point of no return, and I do not want to be left behind.
Believe in me when I say that we are all warriors. We do the impossible of the everyday life.
To live.
Recently I had been called home by His very voice, so vividly I heard it. O how my soul cannot fathom the day of the rapture, and only the worthy would be taken. Many would grieve and wonder why the tribulation of seven years. It is the point of no return, and I do not want to be left behind.
Believe in me when I say that we are all warriors. We do the impossible of the everyday life.
To live.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Chapter 23 : Tale
I woke...and I just laid there. Waiting. Wondering. How did I get here? How did we all get here. The shadows shifted, as I held myself and told myself to sleep. The noise of the world is blatant yet comforting to the equally deranged mind. Lately the simple joy of reading and immersing in words is satisfying and bliss. I live.
"But I lived the lie. I lived it out of anger. This is what I'm trying to tell you. I have lived lies. I have done it again and again. I live lies because I cannot endure the weakness of anger, and I cannot admit the irrationality of love." Marius
Indeed.
"But I lived the lie. I lived it out of anger. This is what I'm trying to tell you. I have lived lies. I have done it again and again. I live lies because I cannot endure the weakness of anger, and I cannot admit the irrationality of love." Marius
Indeed.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Chapter 22 : dear fate
This is not a chapter.
This is goodbye.
To a past that I've been sorely living on. You were every word.. everything.. I write. And I know at the very core of my being, I can proudly say this, I could love you forever at this distance. Yes, to all those who prophesied or said it all so many times, the greatest love is one that lets go so the other would be happy, even if it means that significant is in the arms of another or even if they forgot. This is indeed the greatest love. To learn that my very being is capable of something like this shows a great deal of my ability.
They say time heals everything but I'm still waiting.
She said you are happier now. I imagine you walking down that path with her hand in yours, your beautiful smile gleaming... full of hope and love. To know that you shed that slight shimmer of guilt in your eyes.. it is enough.
I wrote you a song today; I pray it is my last song for you. Though you will never hear it.
I have never known and I have never owned you.
This is goodbye.
To a past that I've been sorely living on. You were every word.. everything.. I write. And I know at the very core of my being, I can proudly say this, I could love you forever at this distance. Yes, to all those who prophesied or said it all so many times, the greatest love is one that lets go so the other would be happy, even if it means that significant is in the arms of another or even if they forgot. This is indeed the greatest love. To learn that my very being is capable of something like this shows a great deal of my ability.
They say time heals everything but I'm still waiting.
She said you are happier now. I imagine you walking down that path with her hand in yours, your beautiful smile gleaming... full of hope and love. To know that you shed that slight shimmer of guilt in your eyes.. it is enough.
I wrote you a song today; I pray it is my last song for you. Though you will never hear it.
I have never known and I have never owned you.
____________________________________________________________________
Beautiful Red
He wanted to leave this world
Did you know
He sat outside his window
It scared me so
Having to lose another friend
Someone I've yet to confess
I saw his soul
It was beautiful to me
Beautiful Red
You flutter
Going in circles
In your colour
Oh Beautiful Red
You got me blinded
Frozen in your wander
She wanted to fall asleep
It was a blunder
That she went over
It scared her so
Having no answers till today
Of the colour
That was beautiful
In your colour
Going in circles
You flutter
Beautiful Red
He wanted to leave this world
Did you know
He sat outside his window
It scared me so
Having to lose another friend
Someone I've yet to confess
I saw his soul
It was beautiful to me
Beautiful Red
You flutter
Going in circles
In your colour
Oh Beautiful Red
You got me blinded
Frozen in your wander
She wanted to fall asleep
It was a blunder
That she went over
It scared her so
Having no answers till today
Of the colour
That was beautiful
In your colour
Going in circles
You flutter
Beautiful Red
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Chapter 21: Bypass
Conscious, you are fine.
It is the only affair I regard
I must had been a lurking advocate of your shadow all these years
If only you knew how much I have loved that shade of black
So then tell me, did I have wings in your eyes?
Yes, too soon it will be your moment to rise above the waiting world you so belonged.
Soar and remember me.
It is the only affair I regard
I must had been a lurking advocate of your shadow all these years
If only you knew how much I have loved that shade of black
So then tell me, did I have wings in your eyes?
Yes, too soon it will be your moment to rise above the waiting world you so belonged.
Soar and remember me.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Chapter 20 : Begin the Begin
Can I say something that would make you stay?
Just a little longer right here at this space, where you would come back to visit?
I am sorry.
I slipped... and I fell.
The free fall through that spiral was excruciating yet beautiful. Don’t you fear the light sometimes? I do. In between those dreams and reality, I didn’t want to wake. I felt safe in that limbo.
I see shadows… and the truth is… they are beautiful. Maybe one day, I’ll write the stories of these shadows so that you could see what I saw.
But...right now... please believe in me, and watch me stand up on my own two feet. I will get better. I will be better. I will do better. So wait. Wait for me.
I am running out of time and all that I have are these words. But these words shed so little light into my world.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Chapter 19: Incubus
What if I told you I have lost everything
And the person that stands infront of you
bares nothing within that is not crumbling
So you shake her to wake
but all it does is hasten the speed of nothingness
What has the chase done
to built a cause or to create a fight; and was is it even mine to begin
So you uncover your nakedness to arrive
at the core of your absolute cipher
to bring forth the frolic fronts of their regards
and evoke an incubus of reminiscence.
And the person that stands infront of you
bares nothing within that is not crumbling
So you shake her to wake
but all it does is hasten the speed of nothingness
What has the chase done
to built a cause or to create a fight; and was is it even mine to begin
So you uncover your nakedness to arrive
at the core of your absolute cipher
to bring forth the frolic fronts of their regards
and evoke an incubus of reminiscence.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Chapter 18: Beautiful Red
Beautiful red under those yellow lights
that is where you belong to take that flight
You tilt at the angle of that moment
where memory would take you away
Beautiful red thought it was over then
the travel was enough to speak of a picture
where frames had ran away
Each clicks reveal the truth behind the colour
that will never be owned.
that is where you belong to take that flight
You tilt at the angle of that moment
where memory would take you away
Beautiful red thought it was over then
the travel was enough to speak of a picture
where frames had ran away
Each clicks reveal the truth behind the colour
that will never be owned.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Chapter 17 : In between
So the distance of the front to the back
With the crowd in between
And the noise overhead
Even if eyes had met
Would never be enough
To cut the locks and fill the vows
With gentle hands
It falls to the ground
The final reflection to take
Just the way you imagined it.
With the crowd in between
And the noise overhead
Even if eyes had met
Would never be enough
To cut the locks and fill the vows
With gentle hands
It falls to the ground
The final reflection to take
Just the way you imagined it.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Chapter 16 : Black Book
To a past, if it's still read.
I went back to the folders containing the last thresholds
I went back to the folders containing the last thresholds
Walked passed the frame that's still here
It wasn't that long nor was it that short
It wasn't that long nor was it that short
Was I the cause of that downfall
With much time passed
I'm still very much the tragedy of myself
Be well.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Chapter 15 : Leavers
You know how you wake
Into someone else
To take the place of that individual and strip the past
To walk out of all the mess and breathe a life of another
So finish the begin and start over
Give yourself away to the keepers but destroy not your heart and body to the leavers
It is time. Stand strong.
Into someone else
To take the place of that individual and strip the past
To walk out of all the mess and breathe a life of another
So finish the begin and start over
Give yourself away to the keepers but destroy not your heart and body to the leavers
It is time. Stand strong.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Chapter 14: Rides
In the car, gone were the lights. Silently in his whirl of thoughts, he counted the passing street lamps as if each were burning courage for him.
He knew. It was time.
Gradually, he reaches his hand over to let it gently fall on hers and in a swift move, their hands met. All coldness was overwhelmed by the abundant warmth she so lacked.
She looks up at him and without a word, their silent pack was made.
A connection, a union..with the surrounding commotion fading into oblivion...after all those rides..
He knew. It was time.
Gradually, he reaches his hand over to let it gently fall on hers and in a swift move, their hands met. All coldness was overwhelmed by the abundant warmth she so lacked.
She looks up at him and without a word, their silent pack was made.
A connection, a union..with the surrounding commotion fading into oblivion...after all those rides..
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Chapter 13: Stay Close, Don't Go.
I'm staring at the glass in front of me
Is it half empty
Or have I ruin all you've given me.
I know I've been selfish
I know I've been foolish
But look through that and you will see
I'll do better I know
I can do better.
If you leave me tonight
I'll wake up alone
Don't tell me I will make it on my own
Don't leave me tonight
This heart of stone will sink till it dies
If you leave me tonight.
Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping
I listen to your breathing
Amazed how I somehow managed to
Sweep you off your feet
Your perfect little feet
I took for granted what you do.
But I'll do better I know
I can do better.
Don't you know my heart is open
It's putting on the fight
And I've got this feeling
That everything's alright
Don't you see
I'm not the only one for you
But you're the only one for me.
If you leave me tonight I'll wake up alone.
Stay.
Is it half empty
Or have I ruin all you've given me.
I know I've been selfish
I know I've been foolish
But look through that and you will see
I'll do better I know
I can do better.
If you leave me tonight
I'll wake up alone
Don't tell me I will make it on my own
Don't leave me tonight
This heart of stone will sink till it dies
If you leave me tonight.
Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping
I listen to your breathing
Amazed how I somehow managed to
Sweep you off your feet
Your perfect little feet
I took for granted what you do.
But I'll do better I know
I can do better.
Don't you know my heart is open
It's putting on the fight
And I've got this feeling
That everything's alright
Don't you see
I'm not the only one for you
But you're the only one for me.
If you leave me tonight I'll wake up alone.
Stay.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Chapter 12 : Wake
No thoughts of you came through
As i slid down the stairs
Before unpacked.
In the shadows of mystery
I saw you but you didn't see me.
Swear my heart ran off the tracks
Pulled threads and ducked covers
merely missed the shots of glances
Watched your company by the door
Even at the distance i tore
Four doors to one embrace
Never will it be, your count but mine.
First flight you took from open doors
Must had been my ghosts you've seen
Thought the wheels you took
But the rail you went instead
Hence up i go only to start where i begin.
As i slid down the stairs
Before unpacked.
In the shadows of mystery
I saw you but you didn't see me.
Swear my heart ran off the tracks
Pulled threads and ducked covers
merely missed the shots of glances
Watched your company by the door
Even at the distance i tore
Four doors to one embrace
Never will it be, your count but mine.
First flight you took from open doors
Must had been my ghosts you've seen
Thought the wheels you took
But the rail you went instead
Hence up i go only to start where i begin.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Chapter 11: Make your Move
What have we left?
Is there a chance, I’ll take.
To replay it all from the start
Though it’s not right I know
Still I can’t help smiling thinking.
How could two strangers connect?
In such perfection;
No flaws no questions asked; Silently I left in the dark.
Let me in; Where all wrongs are made right
And darkness doesn’t matter
When loneliness is made perfect; That's where I belong.
Only to you the papers flow; As more spaces fill.
Was it the chase or predicament?
I never could answer this question.
The only one I want to talk
So is it the first to be blocked.
Not that I need you; It’s just that you don’t need me too.
Your the challenge I seem to be losing.
Is there a chance, I’ll take.
To replay it all from the start
Though it’s not right I know
Still I can’t help smiling thinking.
How could two strangers connect?
In such perfection;
No flaws no questions asked; Silently I left in the dark.
Let me in; Where all wrongs are made right
And darkness doesn’t matter
When loneliness is made perfect; That's where I belong.
Only to you the papers flow; As more spaces fill.
Was it the chase or predicament?
I never could answer this question.
The only one I want to talk
So is it the first to be blocked.
Not that I need you; It’s just that you don’t need me too.
Your the challenge I seem to be losing.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Chapter 10 : Boulders
I feel locked away
with the weight of the world on my shoulders
crushing on my head are boulders
made of lies and dust from all of us.
What of the bonds we've made
that have started to fade
we can't control the time
but right now I'll take what I can get out of my life.
Medicate me again
so I fall away
Medicate me now
so I fall away
I feel torn between
two different sides of an opinion
don't know what state I've been in
don't believe in trust, for only one of us.
What of the progress made
that night we all forgave
it was a thought out crime
but you should take what you can get out of this life .
I never said that I didn't need you
put down your arms
and wrap them both right around me.
with the weight of the world on my shoulders
crushing on my head are boulders
made of lies and dust from all of us.
What of the bonds we've made
that have started to fade
we can't control the time
but right now I'll take what I can get out of my life.
Medicate me again
so I fall away
Medicate me now
so I fall away
I feel torn between
two different sides of an opinion
don't know what state I've been in
don't believe in trust, for only one of us.
What of the progress made
that night we all forgave
it was a thought out crime
but you should take what you can get out of this life .
I never said that I didn't need you
put down your arms
and wrap them both right around me.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Chapter 9: Asylum
The old poet prophesied how time heals all wounds. Reckoned we foolishly disregard the hidden implications behind the saying, "While the scars remain".
The shifting shadow play made me think about the supposition of our perplexing circumstances. Loved but never loving, Loving but never loved. Our affiliation of love? Never destined to self.
Absurd I say, not only to that predicament. This is the life in an insane asylum of human relations. Knowing yet falling.
The shifting shadow play made me think about the supposition of our perplexing circumstances. Loved but never loving, Loving but never loved. Our affiliation of love? Never destined to self.
Absurd I say, not only to that predicament. This is the life in an insane asylum of human relations. Knowing yet falling.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Chapter 8: Half Alive
It's four AM, I'm waking up to your perfume
Don't get up, I'll get through on my own
I don't know if I'm home
Or if I lost the way into your room
I'm spiraling into my doom
I'm feeling half alive but I know one day
You and I will be free.
To live and die by our own rules,
Free..
Despite the fact that men are fools.
I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight.
Well excuse me while I get killed softly,
Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay
At least 'til yesterday,
You know you got me off my highest guard,
Believe me when I say it's hard.
We'll get through this tonight
And I know one day you and I will be free
And you touch my hand ever so slightly
And the deadly look he cast upon me
I won't regret. I won't regret...
And I was trying to disappear,
But you got me wrapped around you
I can hardly breathe without you
I was trying to disappear
But I got lost in your eyes now,
You brought me down to size now.
Don't get up, I'll get through on my own
I don't know if I'm home
Or if I lost the way into your room
I'm spiraling into my doom
I'm feeling half alive but I know one day
You and I will be free.
To live and die by our own rules,
Free..
Despite the fact that men are fools.
I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight.
Well excuse me while I get killed softly,
Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay
At least 'til yesterday,
You know you got me off my highest guard,
Believe me when I say it's hard.
We'll get through this tonight
And I know one day you and I will be free
And you touch my hand ever so slightly
And the deadly look he cast upon me
I won't regret. I won't regret...
And I was trying to disappear,
But you got me wrapped around you
I can hardly breathe without you
I was trying to disappear
But I got lost in your eyes now,
You brought me down to size now.
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