Today 

Tonight

I’ve decided 

I’m done 

Not going to fight 

That’s it 

No going back 

No what ifs 

No regrets 

I’m exhausted by this daily loop 

I’ve sighed too many times 

I’ve tried my best 

There is no harvest just fears

Always a snow

Finally at the edge

Exploring paths that do not exist 

Just keep walking 

Keep the songs playing 

I know I have done wrong 

No excuses just leaning in to what ever that needs to be said 

Only sorry that I broke me in trying to save 

That the vessel was no longer holding 

And the need to feel an escape like time is not running out 

Maybe selfish contradictions smears all justifications 

There is concrete works in progress 

How paths changed and maps do not sync 

I walked the in between 

It is loud. 

I think a part of my psyche was hurt 

And my own assumptions or misreading came into play

Logic I grasp but can’t internalize 

There is consequence in not thinking

The cost of thought, I now reflect.

The worse part of me took over for a spin

Unleashing pure unchecked rage and spite 

In that instant I’m scared by who I became 

So this is the price I pay for being too close for comfort 

The more we jump these lines I burn at the stake 

I can’t keep up with the act 

I’m done.

You do this thing; leading up the garden path and ultimatums 

You are winning at this and I recognise that I can’t surpass you 

Taking more than just an embrace and that is fine because you do not discern and I disregard 

How convenient all this is, isn’t it? 

The things you want are dangerous 

Because it means you jump the lines and I pay the price 

As I see the end I will give you my goodbye 

Leaning on this cold steel, she deserved it 

Who is this tearing on the train after talking about imposters 

She is and she knows it doesn’t leave after all this time it really hasn’t 

But it would had been a comfort to hear it from you on what you had to say 

Either she will laugh or roll her eyes it just isn’t the same if it’s not you 

Putting out fires as she held her breath to fight it while taking in the smokes 

Knowing the end of it would be a reward that made it worth going 

But she wasn’t prepared for company not now not this time 

All she wanted; was you. 

The steps the walk was longer 

Maybe stumbling is not walking 

It is just not the same 

Putting a foot in front of the other was heavier 

Unable to go faster without falling off the edge

So yesterday was an indemnity  

Not knowing you needed saving 

Honesty became a scarcity

How could she save when she needed saving 

How did I come up in your mind when the music played or when the words hit your mouth 

Did you see me in the screens or it felt like a familiar scene 

When the wait lingered longer in our minds and it was special during the in between 

Did it felt the same where you are in the moment and only one that comes to mind who would get it at the level it hits

Would it be safe to share this or would you implode like back in Millenia how it all unravels differently where my response would be another chaos

But I hope it didn’t wreck the image of me if I left you with songs and that is how you remember me by I guess it wasn’t so bad after all. 

I like how I can escape being me even if it is just for a while

The little unknown mix of vices and play 

The revealing yet holding back 

Looking back at night while moving forward in the day 

A contrast to everything and yet nothing at the same time