pretenders

The scary thing is the fact that I feel just as sure and certain as I was last year. Once again I am making the same decision I made which sadly I didn't manage to follow through... which I should had... so that I wouldn't need to be here once again. I am pretty sure what I have decided wouldn't affect or change anything. I could just easily be replaced or just be left - voided. It didn't matter to anyone in the first place or for the matter of fact - the previous time.

Back then I didn't realize that I was already at my highest peak and happiest moment doing my own thing. I was already satisfied with the little I had, with the little technical skills I had... Just me and my vulnerable-cheap-low-quality head set and mike... pen and paper... guitar. I was happy being a nobody. I was happy composing songs as a nobody. I was happy performing as an individual. I had my glory. I had everything. I had all that I need.

But I went chasing after something that I thought I belonged.
I thought I was part of it.
I thought the people were real.
But the truth is...
Maybe I belonged as an individual.
Maybe it has just always been on my part to think that I am a part.
Maybe the people were all just hypocrites.

Have I forgotten why I started out in the first place...

I must remember what I said to myself back in 2003.

Joyner,

Please remember...

the perishers

The Perishers - I hope you'll be missing me

You helped them to kill me

That's all that I'm willing to say

You no longer thrill me

All you do now is stand in my way

All they say makes me feel just as safe

I've lost everything that i own

All they say makes me feel awefully blue and alone

I wrote us a song, you weren't singing along

But I hope you'll be missing me too

I held onto too long, I did everything wrong

But I hope you'll be missing me like I will miss you

I wouldn't say I've moved on

I wouldn't say I'm close to ok

Or that you no longer feel me

Or no longer stand in my way

I'm not too proud to admit to you now

That I'm still nothing more than a wreck

I do intend not to pretend til the end

_______________________________________________________

I love the piano riff, it has been replaying itself in my head...

Took me quite awhile to find the lyrics... didn't realize it was not released in any of their albums!

ITunes was on random when it hit this song.

It has been a really long while since i've listened to my old play list eh?

I need to write a new song soon...

With my new instrument.

Ambitious... yes...

Anyone else but you

I like singing this to you... because it is simple... honest... funny... just like that. I could sing it on repeat like a CD on loop. Here's my really short cheesy version of the song...

You'll be the paper and I'll be the rock
We sure are noisy for two simple people
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you

I like how you wriggle and pull a face
You dance like a jelly fish without a head
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you

I kiss you on your hand when I can't reach your face
I can't carry you cause I might break your legs
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you

______________________________

Standing at the Doorway

I was running, gazing at the different shades of green...
The cars pass me by, the street lamps said goodbye, and then it hit.
That flash. That scene. The orange colored street light. The car. That moment. Gone.

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

It's just that everywhere I go
All the buildings know your name
Like photographs and memories of love
Steel and granite reminders

The lights go out the same
The only difference is
you call another name

Moved

Imagine a cramp, stuffy, hot stage and weather... surrounding you are just 3 or 4 by-standers and unfamiliar faces of strangers walking pass...
You know it is a bad location and you can't really focus.. moreover you probably have this gut feeling that you are gonna screw up today.
You are looking around one last time for anyone familiar... but knowing full well no one would be there...
But then you saw her.
Standing next to the pillar at a distance... with shades shielding her eyes from the glaring sun.
So familiar... so safe... is what you felt in an instant...
And she's smiling back at you knowing that you have seen her.
It was enough.

respite

Five months. Just like that. It didn't felt like you left me at all. Seeing you again, holding you again felt the same. But within that time frame both of us have changed and grew. I am not the girl that I was before. Distance makes you realize how much you have taken simple gestures for granted. The act of picking up the phone to call. The act of crossing a road. Welcome home Denise. =) I can't wait for our pizza date at Timbre.

Come to think of it, I've done quite a lot within 5 months. Completed my internship, handed up my last thesis for school, had a short trip to Bintan, signed up for driving, did a music video with Tea-L, performed for HSA D&D, worked at ST Electronics, graduated, be a pirate mascot, picked up a new instrument (keyboard), performed (first & last 'live' as Tea-L) at StreetFest'08, preparing for next upcoming live at Fort Canning as Lucille..

What is a proper break?
I think I need it... a proper break.
An escape... a hideout...
Hmm... Sounds like sleep...

the call

It started out as a feeling

Which then grew into a hope

Which then turned into a quiet thought

Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder

'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back

When you call me

No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing

Doesn't mean it's never been this way before

All you can do is try to know who your friends are

As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon

And follow the light

You'll come back when it's over

No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning

It's just a feeling and no one knows yet

But just because they can't feel it too

Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger'

Till they're before your eyes

You'll come back

When they call you

No need to say goodbye

Regina Spektor - The Call