tonight

Happy. I've been seeing this word a lot lately. Because I am. And I hope you would be too. And to all those around I hope you will feel it. I love the way your scent lingers on me even when you leave and even as I type this post. It's like... your still here. With me. For me. Near me. Thank you.

Words just ran away from me tonight making it hard to type. So here's something short for this moment.

It's that feeling even if the world collapse, you won't even care and that all is good.
It's that feeling where... my legs feel weak and my smiles can't hide.

I've discovered enlightenment holding your hand.

You are.

So Beautiful

Whether I'm right or wrong
There's no phrase that hits
Like an ocean needs the sand
Or a dirty old shoe that fits
And if all the world was perfect
I would only ever want to see your scars
You know they can have their universe
We'll be in the dirt designing stars

Whether I'm up or down
There's no crowd to please
I'm like a faith without a clause to believe in it
And if all the world was smiling
I would only ever want to see your frown
You know they can sail away in sunsets
We'll be right here stranded on the ground
Just happy to be found

I have lost my illusions
I have drowned in your words
I have left my confusion to a cynical world
I am throwing myself at things I don't understand
Discover enlightenment holding your hand

You are..
So beautiful.



So Beautiful by Darren Hayes

ingenuous

So I fall asleep in front of my lap top, I wake up to the sound of my own laughter in my dreams, and my need for sleep is essential yet lacking. It feels like I am doing too much in one day. But I guess it only means that I am living to the brink of the everyday.

I seem to be smiling more recently, to various reasons. It is the simplicity, innocence and honesty of situations and moments that makes everything… beautiful. And I am thankful. It is not easy for the unexpected to happen and somehow still fall into place. But it did.

Did you know...
I am starting to believe again?

Here's what I scribbled when I was on the train that day...

I swear my heart moved to cause a stir in the silence
Could you hear it?
The way your eyes spoke for only me, was it really just me?

Do they pair the obvious
Because that cannot be the only way, we live for the obvious.
We make... the obvious.

love after love

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.


Derek Walcott

juncture

I have finally understood, the whole depth and truth behind the meaning of this saying, "only time will tell". I am not stating the obvious, just stating a point, a moment of comprehension. After running around in circles and being such a fickle creature, time is the only thing that stands in this realm, both, now and forever, past, present and future. Every coincidence, every passing moment, even a click, with or without the least consideration, could cause a silent chain reaction that permeates and transcends all understanding and instances to everything and everyone around. The impact is so immense that you do not realize it until, much time have passed. It is amazing what time can do to us...

they call it.. sky juice. no.. seriously.

Jumping out of bed to phonecalls, job interviews, bus rides, massive rain and cold feet. Well, hasn't it started snowing in Singapore? There is something about today. It is Thursday already?

I've finally watched Juno... sweet. =)

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on your back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
I want more fans, you want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You're always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?

I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

vivant

Adding one more post to the rest of the 66 posts so far. I'm still alive.

I feel better today, waking up early to breathe the morning air, watching my curtains rise and fall, watching the changing colours of the morning sky. My fingers and toes are all cold and frozen up despite having two blankets. Sleeping does reset your being to prepare you to meet a new day, it wipes away your raw emotions and hunger. It really does. That's why they call it... "Good Morning".

There… Good Morning...

I'm thankful to be able to speak to Denise this morning. It's been almost 3 months. Her return would be spectacular. I have not gone back to our usual hang outs. It is just not the same going to those places without her. I miss our moments, soups, drinks, madness, walks and talks because I can really do some of it right now.

"One day at a time eh babe?"

That's what she would say...

Quick… come back and keep my sanity in check…

They say, many things in life is just about getting use to it.

I... don't like that.

sting

And I was right. The wind has changed.

There is a fury building up, how irrational it is, how vindictive it is. Tell me how the hell could they behave like that? Aren’t they listening? Could they pay attention to not only themselves for a change? I could be screaming in their faces and they won't even realize it. I know reality would be catching up with me, to strike me hard. And every time it does that, I can never be prepared no matter how I said I would want to be. I am so angry at the idea of being angry...so hurt at the idea of being hurt... so very helpless.

arbitrary

It's been awhile since I wrote, and many things have altered along the way. Only when you click on the archives of your life, that you realize how much time have passed you by. To the things that mattered and to the things that never existed; all those intervals of moments, have passed. The weather was cold today, going out for a run with a companion was different (some fun), running errands by myself have revealed what a disaster I am in trying to get from point A to point B. Not to mention crossing roads and stuff like that. Perhaps I really have grown old...

Shaken by reality.
Ambiguous in stature.
Wayward with words.

I always believed in the cycle of things; that there is a balance in every good and bad moments/days/season/period which would tally out, somehow. I have been enjoying a whole lotta good days recently, it is all good, yet daunting at the same time. I hope when the wind decides to change its direction I would be able to hold out till the next gust of goodness decides to swing back into my life.